How to Think Like a Bodyguard
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Ego is the Enemy
I have a client named Craig who, at first glance, looks like someone you would absolutely not want to mess with.
He’s a big dude with sleeve tattoos and gives off a biker-guy vibe. He's very formidable-looking, but underneath the rough exterior is a gentle and kind person who’s way more of a philosopher than a fighter.
Though he looks like a tough guy, he has no interest in trying to be a tough guy. Contrary to what you might assume, because of his appearance, he actually gets tried… a lot.
One night he was at a bar meeting up with a girl he was dating, and a guy got in his face.
It started in the usual way: a shoulder bump while walking by. While my friend said, “Excuse me,” and went about his business, the hard stare that followed from across the bar was unsettling. Within a few minutes, that stare turned into an approach. That approach turned into a confrontation, or what we call an “interview.”
Craig apologized, but his antagonist persisted, so ultimately, Craig just left the bar entirely to avoid the confrontation.
The next time I saw him, Craig was second-guessing his actions. He felt like he was “punked,” and his ego was bruised. The more he thought about it, the angrier he got about how he’d handled the situation. After a few days of stewing, he felt like he should have stood his ground and was resolved to do so the next time something similar happened.
But here’s the thing … he handled the situation perfectly.
Keep Calm & Carry On
In any confrontation, the first person who needs to be defused is ourselves.
On the day-to-day, the most common encounters that can turn violent if mismanaged are between men and what we refer to as “Potential” Bad Guys. I half-jokingly say that this category of Bad Guy can be just about anyone on a bad day.
Potential Bad Guys are defined not by being truly predatory in nature but rather more so by situational factors. Maybe he’s drunk or high or just lost his job or found out his wife is cheating on him, or feels you slighted or disrespected him in some way.
Often you are not even aware of situational factors that are driving his behavior. But if you mismanage the resulting interview, there is the potential for violence to ensue. A road rage scenario is a good example of this dynamic.
As in driving a car, the first rule is to avoid the accident—regardless of who’s at fault.
How do we do that? Well, first, we have to understand and recognize when you’re in those moments. And then, you have to remain in control.
You have to keep your ego in check. Sometimes the hardest thing to do—especially for young men, or people who are used to being in control—is to walk away from trouble in the first place. The reality is most people that I’ve encountered simply don’t think that way.
They react rather than respond, and they let their ego get them into trouble.
The Bodyguard Mindset
Since 1996, I have worked as a security specialist, often in the role of close protection—a fancy term for “bodyguarding.”
During that time, my team and I protected everyone from A-List movie stars to heads of state, and for the last 20 years, I’ve taught everyday people the same skills we used to protect public figures so that they can keep themselves and their loved ones safe.
The overarching philosophy of bodyguarding is this:
Think and plan everything in advance.
Avoid trouble.
If you find yourself in trouble, get the principal out of there.
Respond only as a last resort.
Fundamentally, if the situation turns physical, you’ve already failed your client.
This is the same mentality I teach my clients, especially men and kids. The appropriate approach is to keep emotions in check.
If you were a bodyguard, you would not react emotionally.
If the level of danger can’t be diffused, you exit the environment. Get off the X.
Only as a last resort, should you use physical response tactics. In doing so, understand that, in many ways, you’ve already failed the process.
Ego Check
Put yourself in the bar-room scenario described above.
You’re out at a bar with some buddies, and another guy gets in your face. He doesn’t like that you’re talking to a girl he’s interested in. With your friends watching, your instinct in the moment is to respond and prove how tough you are.
But the point of personal protection isn’t to prove how big and strong you are; it’s to show that you have some level of self-mastery.
The true flex is being able to put your ego aside and avoid a physical confrontation altogether.
And don’t succumb to the ego judging your actions, telling you you're somehow less-than as a result. The right perspective is that walking away saves you the trouble of having to hurt someone, regardless of how much they may “deserve it.”
To do that, you need to train yourself to think like a bodyguard.
How To Think Like a Bodyguard
Step 1: Avoid the accident
It is imperative we maintain good situational awareness at all times. If we are unable to notice a potentially bad situation in advance, then we’ve already lost the advantage.
The first goal is to be aware, to spot trouble early and often, and to recognize the indicators of the I of TIME.
Step 2: Don’t allow yourself to be baited into a conflict
There’s a scene in the classic 80s movie Roadhouse where Dalton (played by Patrick Swayze) is instructing his bouncers how to respond to troublemakers in the bar. His advice: Be nice.
The movie is over the top in so many ways, but in this one instance, it’s spot on.
Ego has no place when it comes to protection—of others, or yourself! Reacting to someone baiting you demonstrates weakness, not strength.
Here’s how to override your impulse to respond.
Know your triggers
Make it a daily practice recognizing when you are reacting rather than responding—especially when reacting out of pride or feeling like you have to prove yourself.Defuse when possible
Remember: Any level of danger that can’t be avoided, should be defused. Sometimes this means talking the situation down, other times it requires you to exit the environment and get off the “X.”
Respond Rather than React
Ultimately, you must treat confrontations with a healthy level of personal detachment. Treat yourself as the principal of a protection detail and act accordingly.
Learn to respond to situations rather than react, and to do this requires you to keep your Ego in check.
This mindset, in many ways, represents the pinnacle of the protector ethos.
It’s simple really, but definitely not easy. It takes practice. Yes, you will stumble often, as we all do, but persisting with this practice will benefit every aspect of your life.
For more perspective on the complete mindset, check out my books: